The Easter Bunny vs. Jesus.

Jim Downey's picture

Got a flyer in the "doormail" yesterday that my good lady wife set aside for my amusement. I figured I should share. Since I can't construct the same kind of grid they use, here's the basic idea:

The Easter Bunny vs. Jesus

Hides eggs throughout your house: The Easter Bunny.
Brings baskets of goodies on Easter morning: The Easter Bunny
Favorite food is carrots: The Easter Bunny
Gives peace, life, & forgiveness to your soul: Jesus!

Our research has shown that although both The Easter Bunny and Jesus get a lot of press this time of year, they actually have very little in common. If you are into a quick chocolate buzz, hide and seek with inedible eggs, and someone to share your carrots with, the Easter Bunny is your guy. If, however, you are looking for peace for your soul, some eternal assurance of acceptance, and unlimited forgiveness... Jesus has much more to offer. Go to church on Easter, and do a little research of your own.

Gosh, where to start? Oh, let's do the chocolate thing. You can actually get a tasty chocolate Jesus, if you want. And I don't know about you, but I grew up with decidedly edible Easter Eggs, whether of the real boiled & decorated variety or the candy kind. And how do they know that Jesus doesn't like carrots? Is that in the bible someplace?

And isn't it kinda cute the way they use the term "research"? Aww, they're all sciencey! Because, see, the Easter Bunny is really just a fictional character - and Jesus is like, totally real! It says so right there in English in the bible! And if you come to their church on Easter, he'll be there to say hello and give you a nice basket of Eternal Life! If you can't make it to church, just recite this magic incantation and he'll make a special delivery:

If you would like to receive God’s gift of salvation, just pray this prayer: “Lord Jesus I believe you are God’s Son. I believe you have died because of my sins. I ask you to come into my heart and be the Lord of my life. Cleanse me of all sin and give me eternal life.”

Guaranteed!

Jim Downey

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Anonymous User's picture

Zombie Jesus Day

Along the same lines of questioning what's behind this holiday, check out this site that celebrates Zombie Jesus Day with greeting cards and more! http://www.zombiejesusday.org

Crystal D.'s picture

So wait,

The bunny gives you all of the good, tangible things, and jesus may or may not give you some good or some not so good intangible things? I'll put all of my eggs in the bunny basket, thank you very much. :)

ML's picture

Now, if wafers tasted like Reese's eggs..........

I'm with you. Crystal. Jelly beans and Peeps(R) in every colour of the rainbow! I always wonder how kids sit through services on Easter Sunday with all that sugar coursing through their veins. Or maybe that's the real reason the flyer is out there - the sugar-hyped kids at worship services got too much for someone?

I have yet to see anybody assure me that there will be Peeps(R) in heaven. C'mon, who's doing the marketing and PR for these people??

Anonymous User's picture

chocolate is okay, but . . .

chocolate is okay, but I want my beer volcano and stripper factory.

Neil the password forgetter's picture

For Rob

Ask and Ye shall receive, doncha know!

www.normalbobsmith.com/godatemyballs/god3.html

I hate it when somebody's god decides to just stroll in and start giving orders. You try to be nice, let him sleep on the couch for a few nights, and the next thing you know it's all Thou Shalt and Thou Shalt Not and shit...

wantobe's picture

Ah, man.

I knew this would happen one day; I knew I'd read one of those stealth prayers Christers like to leave laying around one day and I'd be hooked. That's where they get you: you read one of the "Lord come into my heart" things, and if you aren't careful the next thing you know ol' Jesus is right there, taking up residence. I just never thought it'd happen to me at an atheist blog :(

Anyone know a good savior exterminator? There ain't enough room in my heart for all the baby-killing and whatnot and having Jesus there too.

Rob Miles
--
There are only 10 types of people in the world;
those who understand binary and those who don't.

AtheistUnderMask's picture

Wait, they did research on

Wait, they did research on Easter and didn't discover that it's named after a Pagan goddess of the Spring? Or that the Easter Bunny is a fertility symbol, and they're comparing something that promotes bonking to Jeebus?

I call shenanigans.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Syndicate content