Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
The Easter Bunny vs. Jesus.
Got a flyer in the "doormail" yesterday that my good lady wife set aside for my amusement. I figured I should share. Since I can't construct the same kind of grid they use, here's the basic idea:
The Easter Bunny vs. Jesus
Hides eggs throughout your house: The Easter Bunny.
Brings baskets of goodies on Easter morning: The Easter Bunny
Favorite food is carrots: The Easter Bunny
Gives peace, life, & forgiveness to your soul: Jesus!
Our research has shown that although both The Easter Bunny and Jesus get a lot of press this time of year, they actually have very little in common. If you are into a quick chocolate buzz, hide and seek with inedible eggs, and someone to share your carrots with, the Easter Bunny is your guy. If, however, you are looking for peace for your soul, some eternal assurance of acceptance, and unlimited forgiveness... Jesus has much more to offer. Go to church on Easter, and do a little research of your own.
Gosh, where to start? Oh, let's do the chocolate thing. You can actually get a tasty chocolate Jesus, if you want. And I don't know about you, but I grew up with decidedly edible Easter Eggs, whether of the real boiled & decorated variety or the candy kind. And how do they know that Jesus doesn't like carrots? Is that in the bible someplace?
And isn't it kinda cute the way they use the term "research"? Aww, they're all sciencey! Because, see, the Easter Bunny is really just a fictional character - and Jesus is like, totally real! It says so right there in English in the bible! And if you come to their church on Easter, he'll be there to say hello and give you a nice basket of Eternal Life! If you can't make it to church, just recite this magic incantation and he'll make a special delivery:
If you would like to receive God’s gift of salvation, just pray this prayer: “Lord Jesus I believe you are God’s Son. I believe you have died because of my sins. I ask you to come into my heart and be the Lord of my life. Cleanse me of all sin and give me eternal life.”