Utter Lunatics

Brent Rasmussen's picture

owlafaye's Wacky COTG Submission

Here it is, in all it's insane glory...

[owlafaye] Dearly Beloved in Christ
Whenever you see the number 666 it is a warning from God that at that very moment you are very vulnerable to an attack from the devil. Evil lies everywhere for the unwary.

You should immediately stop whatever you are doing and get down on your knees and pray for God's protection. By the way, it is legal to stop and pray wherever you are, don't let heathen mockery or laughter sway you.

I suggest when driving, that you watch license plates a lot closer than normal for the number 666 and combinations of 666 and in this way you will avoid frustrating traffic situations and possibly accidents. The anger and obscenities of other drivers are the devil in disguise and the number 666 in their license plates will help you spot them and avoid them. Don't hesitate, change lanes immediately, God will protect you.

666 is the sign of the devil...the Lord God does not allow him to wander invisible and has devised several methods to remind and caution us that he is present...666 is one of them. Another is if a crow watches you out of the corner of his eye. This has been known throughout history...crows are harbingers of deviltry. I guess you know that black cats are the "familiars" of demons and witches? Kill them whenever you get a chance. Don't worry, there are lots of cats.
If someone looks at you funny and rolls their eyes, this has nothing to do with a personal affront, that person has been having lustful thoughts and has been temporarily invaded by the devil...stop talking to them immediately.

Erections are considered a sign of the devil outside of the matrimonial bed. Cold showers help, also reading Reader's Digest is a known cure. You notice all the Reader's Digests in doctors offices? Take one when you leave, the doctor doesn't mind; that is what they are there for...erections.

Be very wary of bus drivers and streetcar drivers who drive excessively fast and hunch over their steering wheels in an aggressive manner...they are usually possessed and treat you arrogantly. Get off immediately...don't bother with the transfer, just pay a new fare. The transfer contains a message to the next driver. Throw it away.

You have to be careful in this day and age, especially with all this new computer stuff...you can get more information on God's Firewalls and other software designed to protect you from the many demons that I am sure you have noticed, inhabit computers these days. Try http://www.GodHelpMe.com

Be careful...your immortal soul is in danger of being lost forever to the powers of the devil.

I left something out, thank God I remembered. The "pretenders" to Christianity actually worship the Devil in secret...you have heard of "Black Masses" haven't you? We go to church, not to "mass"...you follow my line of thought? (Catholics?)

Good. I want to caution you however. You notice that Catholics have a lot of purple in their garments and tapestries of ceremony and in all their devil worshiping rituals? This is because the substance iodine was introduced into several brands of salt being marketed by direct order of the pope. It is a known cure for a disease that God afflicted Catholics with for not abiding by his dictates. Only Catholics get it. Don't buy iodized salt. Rock salt is OK, and "Road salt" by the 100 lb. bags is the cheapest of all. These companies are Christian and have resisted The Pope's efforts and edicts to add iodine. God bless them.

The power of salt has been known throughout the ages and that is why it is so prevalent in Biblical teachings. Salt will ward off the devil.

Carry a can of red spray paint and if you can do so, spray the number 666 on any Catholic property so that good Christians will be warned that they are in the presence of Devil worshipers.

Don't forget, iodine and purple are the potions and elixirs of color in the Devil's curses and ceremonies.

owlafaye

Woah.

Brent Rasmussen's picture

Ragnarok Approaches!

It's tough following the Old Religion in prison these days, apparently. The money quote:

[link] According to the suit, prison officials gave Smith a candle

By Odin's beard! Where are the Valkyries when you need them?

Brent Rasmussen's picture

Sinners At The Hands Of A Silly God

Richard Carnes writes a bi-weekly column for the Vail Daily newspaper. This week he wrote a really good piece called "Atheist is not a four-letter word". Read it and you'll find the same points that we make here at UTI all the time.

[Richard Carnes] Atheist is not a four-letter word. Neither is it a euphemism for devil worshiper, totalitarian dictator, child molester or moral-free heathen who reads “Nietzsche for Dummies” for philosophical reference.

An atheist is simply a non-theist, meaning one who does not believe in the existence of gods.

I liked the article, but I had to respond to one of the Christian commenters on the story.

Not only does commenter "frelor" seem to completely mis-understand Richard Carnes' very clear prose, but he also has some pretty wacky ideas about atheism, how to raise good Christian robotschildren, and a masterful plan to out-breed the dreaded Muslim menace.

More below the fold...

Jim Downey's picture

All kinds of crazy.

OK, I'm on record as saying that I just don't 'get' pro sports and the fans who follow it. That's fine. But once in a while I come across something related to pro sports which just makes me scratch my head in complete and total bewilderment.

Like when I saw this comment over at PZ's place:

Meh, that's nothing. One NFL player believes that the word of God was revealed to him in football scores. Following devine revelation he has worked out that the tribulation is due 1 year from now. (and he ain't kiddin' folks)

Read it and weep,

The part the commentor is talking about is about a quarter of the way down a page which is full of all kinds of crazy, just after point #11. It reads in part:

(David: The revelation below is given to Ross Verba, a professional football player for the Detroit Lions, who has been a part of our online assembly for a couple of years. This will prove prophetic when compared with Steve’s revelation about the New York Jets above.)

Brent Rasmussen's picture

Major Freddy And The Atheist Soldier

A few days ago Jim wrote about Spec. Jeremy Hall, a soldier assigned to Fort Riley's 97th Military Police Battalion, who filed suit against Defense Secretary Robert Gates and a "Maj. Paul Welborne". Jeremy's suit claims that after he was given permission to hold a meeting of atheists, he was harassed by a Major, and by his fellow soldiers for being an atheist. The suit also claims that the Major threatened to block his re-enlistment for being an atheist. Lately Spec. Hall has been threatened in emails and blog posts from his fellow soldiers.

The Army replied that they could not locate anyone named "Major Paul Welborne".

Well, today the suit was amended to correct the spelling of the Major's name. It is "Major Freddy Welborn", and lawdy, lawdy, he's got a MySpace page. His "Interests" are:

The study of God's Word, Evangelism, Grandchildren and Family, and those Men called by God to Preach the Gospel.

Major Freddy describes himself like so:

MAJ Freddy & HIS Girl's Blurbs
About me:
Warrior for the Lord Jesus Christ. Currently serving w/3rd Inf Div Civil Military Operations (Governance) in Baghdad Iraq. Carla & I place all our Faith & Trust in our Savior the Lord Jesus - who provides eternal life to anyone that believes that he is the Son of God, that he was born of a virgin, lived as God in the flesh (as man) was crucified, died, and was buried then rose from the grave the third day, then acended to the right hand of the Father - True repentance (turning away from Sin to God) Being born again, Forgivness & Justification occure to the True Believer in Christ when Baptized w/God's Holy Spirit. He who has the Son has life, he who has not the Son of God has not life. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. It is by GRACE that we are saved thru Faith - It's a free gift and can't be earned. I love the Lord Jesus more than words can express, and seeking to gain a stronger relationship w/Him. I'll finish Bible College upon returning from Opns Iraqi Freedom.

Farther down, we see this little gem of an image.

I think he's a little, um, confused about the whole "1st Amendment" thing.

Hang in there Specialist Jeremy Hall. Don't let the godbots get you down. Stay safe.

Jim Downey's picture

Our only hope is to make W President for Life.

OK, you may have already heard about this. But if not, it is my pleasure to introduce yet another right-wing nut who is all for chucking out the Constitution, imposing martial law, and declaring George W. Bush to be President for Life because, see, it's all in the interests of Western Civilization.

And no, I'm not kidding. Here's a taste:

As there appears to be no sensible result of the invasion of Iraq that will be popular with his countrymen other than retreat, President Bush is reviled; he has become another victim of Democracy.

Brent Rasmussen's picture

Bottomless Pit And/Or Lake Of Fire

Over the years I've had a lot of folks argue with me about my atheism, and I've argued right back - fiercely in some cases, but mostly with good humor and and real try at understanding what the other person is trying to say - and where they are coming from. I've been prayed for by an entire "prayer cell" of Salvation Army Church members in the UK, been the subject of a few sermons in my local churches, shocked the heck out of one set of grandparents with my atheism, and was shocked by the casual acceptance of it by the other set. I've had drunken, hours-long discussions with my brothers about God™, The Universe™, and the Nature Of Reality™. I've lived my life with gusto and tried to create meaning for myself and for my family. This is because I know - with a crystal clarity - how very fleeting all of our lives are on the grand stage of our universe, and how extremely fortunate we are to have appeared on that stage at this particular time - when we can recognize and appreciate our lives.

But this is the very first time I've ever been stealth-cursed by a commenter on my own blog.

Here's the comment. It was placed on an old post of Darksyde's from 2005 about the science of lightning. The commenter called themself "lightning", and linked their nickname to this site called "Satan's Kingdom":

[link] I bind you and cast you out into the bottomless pit and/or lake of fire by the Spirit of God and in the Holy Name Jesus Christ.

The bottomless pit and/or lake of fire? I get a choice? Hmnn. I guess I'll choose bottomless pit. Sure, it'll be boring, but not as painful as that whole lake of fire deal.

Thanks lightning, good buddy!

(Check out the HTML source of the page for a little extra dose of deluded Catholic lunacy. Apparently this internet cursing thing has been around since 2004 and lightning is just now getting around to UTI. It's tough being a wackjob, but is obviously made easier with modern communications technology like the web.)

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