Satire

Brent Rasmussen's picture

This Post Was Not Approved By The President Of The United States

The Onion has some 'splaining to do!

[link] You might have thought that the White House had enough on its plate late last month, what with its search for a new Supreme Court nominee, the continuing war in Iraq and the C.I.A. leak investigation. But it found time to add another item to its agenda - stopping The Onion, the satirical newspaper, from using the presidential seal.

The newspaper regularly produces a parody of President Bush's weekly radio address on its Web site (www.theonion.com/content/node/40121), where it has a picture of President Bush and the official insignia.

"It has come to my attention that The Onion is using the presidential seal on its Web site," Grant M. Dixton, associate counsel to the president, wrote to The Onion on Sept. 28. (At the time, Mr. Dixton's office was also helping Mr. Bush find a Supreme Court nominee; days later his boss, Harriet E. Miers, was nominated.)

Citing the United States Code, Mr. Dixton wrote that the seal "is not to be used in connection with commercial ventures or products in any way that suggests presidential support or endorsement." Exceptions may be made, he noted, but The Onion had never applied for such an exception.

The Onion was amused. "I'm surprised the president deems it wise to spend taxpayer money for his lawyer to write letters to The Onion," Scott Dikkers, editor in chief, wrote to Mr. Dixton. He suggested the money be used instead for tax breaks for satirists.

Just to re-iterate for any White House staffers who happen to be reading UTI: This post is not meant to convey or suggest approval or support of the president for godlessness, atheism, UTI, or myself in general - even though he would be an idiot not to support this blog, considering the awesome voting power block (25 votes and counting, baby!) that we control.

Brent Rasmussen's picture

Let Us Imagine

Let us imagine for a moment the outraged shrieks of the body politick if our revered Republican American presidents had said the following, instead of what they really said:

Ronald Reagan: "With gods, there is no virtue, because there's no reason. With gods, we're mired in the supernatural, that flat world that has us deny what the senses perceive. With gods, there is a coarsening of the society. And with gods, democracy will not and cannot long endure. If we ever forget that we're one nation under no gods, then we will be a nation gone under."

George H.W. Bush: "No, I don't know that Christians should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation, under no gods"

George W. Bush: "I don't see how you can be president at least from my perspective, how you can be president, with a relationship with the Lord."

George W. Bush: "I don't think Christianity is a religion. I would hope the military officials would take a second look at the decision they made."

Those poor Christians are so persecuted. David Limbaugh, have you read these!? I am outraged, outraged, I tell you!

Brent Rasmussen's picture

Theory Of Evolution Not A Science - Speaker

Marksbiz Tribune
By KARYN HURTSHOG

Bobby Henderson gets two questions from almost any audience that hears him speak about creation versus evolution:

How do you explain radiometric dating, what most people call "carbon dating," of fossils and rocks, which holds the earth to be ancient?

And what about Pirates?

Henderson, who holds a negligible degree in physics and is the author of "Open Letter To Kansas School Board," developed responses to those and other questions as part of courses he has taught at FSM Life College, Oregon, USA, and in six months of speaking at more than 15 churches and/or blogs in the United States, Chile, Brazil, France, Chad, Greater Ubekistan, and Tasmania.

Henderson is in Marksbiz as part of the Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster's "Stiffen Your Limp Noodle" conference. He is scheduled to give two more presentations, today and Wednesday at 7 p.m., at the church, 27th Place and Avenue Z, Marksbiz.

Henderson has what he describes as an aptitude for science; he was also, as a sophomore in college, "touched by His Noodly Appengage, which changed my whole pursuit from wanting to make money to helping people," he said, "and, of course, making even more money by helping people see the wonder and majesty of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's low-low priced merchandise on sale at my website."

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